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Stanford
Application
When I
look at this picture of myself, I realize how much I’ ve
grown and changed, not only physically, but also mentally as a
person in the last couple of years. Less than one month after
this photograph was taken, I arrived at the [school’ s name]
in [school’ s location] without any idea of what to expect.
I entered my second year of high school as an innocent
thirteen year-old who was about a thousand miles from home and
was a new member of not the sophomore, but “ lower-middle”
class. Around me in this picture are the things which were
most important in my life at the time: studying different
types of cars and planes, following Michael Jordan’ s latest
move, and seeing the latest blockbuster show like “ Phantom
of the Opera” or “ Jurassic Park” . On my t-shirt is the
rest of my life— tennis. Midway through my senior year at
the special [school’ s name] school, the focuses in my life
have changed dramatically.
If there
is one common occurrence which takes place for every single
person in the diverse student body at [school’ s name], it
is that we all grow up much faster for having lived there. I
do not know whether this speeding up of the maturing process
is generally good or bad, but I definitely have benefited.
The
classroom has become a whole different realm for me. Before,
the teachers and students alike preached the importance of
learning, but it was implicitly obvious that the most
important concern was grades. At [school’ s name] teachers
genuinely believe that learning is the most importance
objective and deeply encourage us to collaborate with each
other and make use of all resources that we may find. In fact,
in a certain class this year, my teacher assigned us to
prepare every day of the week to discuss a certain book; there
were only two require-ments in this preparation— we had to
maximize our sources, gleaning from everything and everyone in
the school, but we were not allowed to actually look at the
book. As a result, I know more about that book than any other
that I have actually read. It is teaching methods such as this
which ensure that we will learn more. Indeed, this matter of
“ thinking” has been one of the most important aspects of
my experience. Whether in Physics or English, I’ m required
to approach every problem and idea independently and
creatively rather than just regurgitate the teacher’ s
words. In discussion with fellow students both inside and
outside of class, the complex thoughts flowing through
everyone’ s brain is evident.
However,
I believe that the most important concepts that I have
espoused in being independent of my parents for half of each
year, deal with being a cosmopolitan person. The school’ s
faculty and students are conscious about keeping all of the
kids’ attention from being based on the school. Every single
issue of global concern is brought forth by one group or
another whether it be a faculty member, publication, ethnic
society, or individual student. Along with being aware of
issues of importance, after attending [school’ s name] my
personality has evolved. First, my mannerisms have grown: the
school stresses giving respect to everyone and everything. Our
former headmaster often said, “ Character can be measured
not by one’ s interaction with people who are better off
than him or herself, but by one’ s interactions with those
who are worse off.” The other prime goal of the school’ s
community is to convert every single timid lower-classman into
a loud, rambunctious senior. Basically, if you have an opinion
about something, it is wrong not to voice that opinion. Of
course, being obnoxious is not the idea. The key is to become
a master of communication with teachers, fellow students, all
of who are a part of the community, and most importantly,
those who are outside of the community.
I do not
want to make [school’ s name] sound as if it produces the
perfect students, because it doesn’ t. But the school
deserves a lot of credit for its efforts. Often, some part of
the mold does remain. As the college experience approaches, I
am still the same person, only modified to better maximize my
talents. Although I still have some time to play tennis and
see movies, perhaps one of the few similarities between this
photograph and me now is my smile.
**
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **
This
essay is fairly well written. The essayist makes boarding
school his focus, using it to explain and describe how and why
he has changed over the years. A lot of students write about
what wonderful people they have become, but they fail to do a
good job of understanding and explaining the forces that
prevailed to make them change. This writer focuses on the
strengths of the school itself. He demonstrates the sort of
values it tries to instill in its students such as, “
Encouraging us to collaborate with each other and make use of
all resources that we may find, ” and “ Giving respect to
everyone and everything.” Because the writer does so, the
reader never doubts that the applicant possesses all the
qualities that he credits to the school. Using this method has
two advantages. First, the positive, upbeat attitude he has
toward his institution is rare. Second, Stanford, for one,
recognized that this would reflect well on his ability to
adapt to and be a positive force at their school.
Wellesley
Application Essay
It took
me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence
my mother has been on my life. She’ s the kind of person who
has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most
want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of
mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind
of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major
project to assist Washington’ s impoverished citizens.
Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of
her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of
learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I
also came to understand the idea of giving back to the
community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and
spirit.
My
mother’ s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in
travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece.
Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother
Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths
and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we
were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be
at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly
remember standing in an empty ampitheatre pretending to be an
ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the
Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales
of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport
stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these
journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well
as my family and myself.
While I
treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad,
my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me
just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often
accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen
and children’ s center. While she attended meetings, I
helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the
building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected
the “ floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full
time volunteer with the five and six year old children last
June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong
girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the
summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as
Jane’ s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the
personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years
since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I
have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also
of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything
that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the
thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at
home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly
value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life
with her passion for learning, and changed it with her
devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and
everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that
is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles
away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
**
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **
The
topic of this essay is the writer’ s mother. However, the
writer definitely focuses on herself, which makes this essay
so strong. She manages to impress the reader with her travel
experience, volunteer and community experience, and commitment
to learning without ever sounding boastful or full of herself.
The essay is also very well organized.
Harvard
Application
Of all
the characters that I’ ve “ met” through books and
movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate.
They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr.
Archibald “ Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They
appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are
influential people in small towns who have a direct positive
effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small
town after graduating from college, and that positive effect
is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my
life.
Both Mr.
Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in
wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom.
When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those
things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive,
helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that
Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent
world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ ll be
entering the adult world, a world in which I’ m not yet
prepared to lead.
I’ m
quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight
Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They
probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful
life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president
of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing,
and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking
gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his
bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my
grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a
real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that
characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more
than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers.
Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the
values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form
the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that
foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the
sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as
I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all
others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will
make me the Attacus Finch of my town.
**
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **
This
essay is a great example of how to answer this question well.
This applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific
traits that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he
is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal
(being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us
a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while
maintaining a strong focus throughout.
Georgetown
Application
For many
years, I have been interested in studying international
relations. My interest in pursuing this field stems from
several factors which have affected me. First, I have been
exposed to international affairs throughout my life. With my
father and two of my brothers in the Saudi Foreign Service, I
have grown up under the shadow of inter-national affairs.
Second, I am fascinated by history, economics, and diplomacy.
I believe, through the study of international relations, I can
effectively satisfy my curiosity in these fields. A third
factor which has affected my interest in international
relations is patriotism.
Through
the Foreign Service, I would not only have the opportunity to
serve my country, but also have the chance to help bridge gaps
between my country and others. Finally, as a Saudi living
abroad, I have been bridging cultures throughout my life. This
experience has taught me to look for differences to compromise
and similarities to synthesize in order to balance different
cultures. In short, I believe that my experiences in life,
combined with a rigorous academic education, will enable me to
pursue a successful career in the Saudi Foreign Service.
Georgetown,
Favorite Class
At St.
Albans, especially in our later years, we are given the
freedom to choose from a vast array of classes. Using this
freedom, I have selected classes which have personal
significance to me, regardless of difficulty or appearance on
my transcript. However, from these classes, one holds an
extraordinary amount of value to me. This course is A.P.
Omnibus History, a combination of American and European
history. There are several reasons for my great interest in
this class. First, I am fascinated by the cyclical nature of
the past. I see these recurring political, economic, and
social trends as a means of looking forward into the future,
while allowing us to avoid the mistakes of the past. Second,
history teaches many lessons about the nature of human
behavior, both past and present, providing insight into the
actions, desires, and aspirations of those around me. Finally,
it lays a solid foundation for several disciplines, including
political science, economics, and international relations,
three fields of great interest to me.
Georgetown,
Visual Arts
Another
major interest of mine, which I have not had the opportunity
to express elsewhere on my application, is the visual arts.
Throughout high school, I have used a variety of media to
express myself. I began with black and white photography,
focusing on the presence of lines and balance in nature. For
my work in this medium, I received an award at the St. Albans
School Art Show. From photography, I moved on to glass
etching. Using a sandblaster to etch the glass, I again
concen-trated on lines and balance in my works. Moreover, by
arranging several glass panes into a sculpture, I moved my
study into three dimensions, winning another Art Show award.
Currently, I am working on canvas, using oil and acrylic in a
Mondrian style, which is based on lines and balance.
Eventually, I hope to explore the effects of combining these
and other media, creating my own style of artistic expression.
Georgetown,
Wrestling
In the
past four years of my life, no activity has affected me more
than wrestling. Four years of varsity wrestling and the honor
of being a team captain has instilled many qualities in me.
First, through years of hard work and continuous dieting,
wrestling has given me discipline. This discipline has spread
to other parts of my personality, including my moral
character, work ethic, and preserverence. Another quality
wrestling has given me is leadership. As a team captain, I
have learned to lead by example, both on and off the mat.
Above all, though, wrestling has given me a love of life.
Through this sport, I have experienced pain, sacrifice,
adversity, and success. Exposure to these feelings— which
are, in my opinion, the essence of being— has allowed me to
truly appreciate life. I hope to continue wrestling at
Georgetown.
**
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **
What
immediately strikes the reader about this set— before even
reading it— is the balance between the essays. Each answer
contains only one paragraph, each of approximately equal
length. The solid structure of each essay and the focus of
each reflects this outward balance. Each one focuses on a
completely different area of its writer’ s life, another
striking detail. The first focuses on his career goals, the
second on his interest in history, the third on his interest
in the visual arts, and the fourth on wrestling. This is a
perfect example of the jigsaw puzzle approach. When put
together, you have a well-rounded individual with passion,
depth, and involvement in many different areas.
Princeton
Application
Princeton,
Athlete (football)
I have
learned a great many things from participating in varsity
football. It has changed my entire outlook on and attitude
toward life. Before my freshman year at [high-school], I was
shy, had low self-esteem and turned away from seemingly
impossible challenges. Football has altered all of these
qualities. On the first day of freshman practice, the team
warmed up with a game of touch football. The players were
split up and the game began. However, during the game, I
noticed that I didn’ t run as hard as I could, nor did I try
to evade my defender and get open. The fact of the matter is
that I really did not want to be thrown the ball. I didn’ t
want to be the one at fault if I dropped the ball and the play
didn’ t succeed. I did not want the responsibility of
helping the team because I was too afraid of making a mistake.
That aspect of my character led the first years of my high
school life. I refrained from asking questions in class,
afraid they might be considered too stupid or dumb by my
classmates. All the while, I went to practice and everyday, I
went home physically and mentally exhausted.
Yet my
apprehension prevailed as I continued to fear getting put in
the game in case another player was injured. I was still
afraid of making mistakes and getting blamed by screaming
coaches and angry teammates. Sometimes these fears came true.
During my sophomore season, my position at backup guard led me
to play in the varsity games on many occasions. On such
occasions, I often made mistakes. Most of the time the
mistakes were not significant; they rarely changed the outcome
of a play. Yet I received a thorough verbal lashing at
practice for the mistakes I had made. These occurrences only
compounded my fears of playing. However, I did not always make
mistakes. Sometimes I made great plays, for which I was
congratulated. Now, as I dawn on my senior year of football
and am faced with two starting positions, I feel like a
changed person.
Over the
years, playing football has taught me what it takes to
succeed. From months of tough practices, I have gained a hard
work ethic. From my coaches and fellow teammates, I have
learned to work well with others in a group, as it is
necessary to cooperate with teammates on the playing field.
But most important, I have also gained self-confidence. If I
fail, it doesn’ t matter if they mock or ridicule me; I’
ll just try again and do it better. I realize that it is
necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. The
coaches have always said before games that nothing is
impossible; I know that now. Now, I welcome the challenge.
Whether I succeed or fail is irrelevant; it is only important
that I have tried and tested myself.
**
ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **
The
topic of this essay is how the applicant has matured and
changed since his freshman year. He focuses on football. One
of the strengths of this essay is that it is well organized.
The applicant clearly put time into the structure and planning
of this essay. He uses the platform of football to discuss and
demonstrate his personal growth and development through the
high school years. What he could have done better was spend
more time describing himself after he made improvements. As it
is, he only tells us about his newfound confidence and drive.
This essay would have been stronger had he actually shown us,
perhaps by including a story or describing an event where his
confidence made a difference.
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